Witticisms

Overheard at the office

2011-05-06T16:40:00.000-07:00

A bunch of us look out the window and notice a plume of smoke billowing from Catalina Island. After some discussion and speculation, this happens...Coworker 1: Where is it? Is it in Two Harbors?Coworker 2: The fire was last year.Coworker 1: ...What?Coworker 2: I looked it up online, the fire was last year.Coworker 1: ..........Okay, but this fire is...now.Coworker 2: Oh, okay.

My life

2011-04-19T18:48:00.000-07:00

Bob: Can you explain how works?Me: Actually I included a pretty detailed user guide which should be a good start.Bob: Well I just need a high level overview.Me: Okay, it works like this.Bob: Okay, but Me: I really suggest you check out the user guide.Bob: But then how do you Me: That's not really related to . will still

Actual conversation at work

2011-01-27T17:38:00.000-08:00

(My Indian coworker, discussing his first meeting with, and subsequent rejection of, a girl his parents are hoping to arrange a marriage with for him)Him: She has 20 pairs of slippers!Us: Wait, slippers? Do you mean shoes?Him: Yes, 20 pairs of shoes.Us: That's...pretty normal. In fact that's low, especially for a fashion designer. You rejected her just because she has 20 pairs of shoes?Him: No

The weather today

2010-09-27T17:29:00.000-07:00

As far as I'm concerned, temperatures over 90 are indistinguishable from an inferno the surface of the sun.

My new favorite thing ever

2010-07-21T22:09:00.001-07:00

I forgot about so many of these things and now, oh, how I hope that some of them are still around in the many many boxes I have refused to let my parents throw away for the last 20 years.http://imremembering.com/

youknahmsayin?

2010-07-14T15:18:00.000-07:00

Jason, on rappers: "I wish I could make that much money, but not because I'm retarded."

Are you sure about that?

2010-06-10T20:23:00.000-07:00

Just stumbled upon a list of "some things you may not know" which included this:Um, I don't think so. Pretty sure all of the creatures in my mouth are also on Earth.

In which I purchase my first smart phone

2009-11-01T21:20:00.001-08:00

*At dinner, pulling the blackberry out of its case and noting that it turns on*"...How does it KNOW???" *proceeds to push the phone in and out of its case several times**later, in the car*"I'm going to Wikipedia 'hiccups.' Wait a minute. I could wikipedia 'hiccups' right now."

On flagging youtube videos

2009-08-10T19:57:00.000-07:00

(7:56:36 PM) tallbladeofgrass: they had a variety of options to choose from like "sexual content" and "violence/disturbing" but not one for "fucked the hell up"

and he's single, ladies!

2009-05-25T22:01:00.000-07:00

(10:01:01 PM) ilyeria: thats a rare piece of chess knowledge you cant find with google

I give up

2009-04-11T13:35:00.000-07:00

When I moved into my last apartment, I got a land line. The number used to belong to a woman who has apparently fallen off the face of the earth in an attempt to escape debt, because I got frequent calls from debt collection agencies as well as family members. Finally, I changed my answering machine to say "if you are calling for Phyllis, this is no longer her phone number."That was almost

In which I increase the readership of my blog

2009-03-24T17:00:00.000-07:00

Here are pictures of my cats:She's not stretching, she's actually asleep.Artemis loves her some shirt drawer.Luna adores her chicken costume, can't you tell?I just noticed that the crab seems to be eyeing Artemis in terror.

I love my brother

2008-12-30T22:57:00.000-08:00

(while discussing our cousin's upcoming wedding and the fact that it will include religious ceremony items such as communion. We are both non-religious, but he usually goes up to eat Jebus anyway and I always stay in my seat.)Him: At least if they have communion it will let us get up and move around.Me: Not for me.Him: Yeah, but I'm always down for a snack.

Proof at last

2008-11-24T10:55:00.000-08:00

Proof of a correlation between illiteracy and Myspace usage.

The mind, it boggles

2008-11-20T09:12:00.000-08:00

Just in case you didn't think antitrust could get any more ridiculous, read this.Let me get this straight. Microsoft providing free software as an optional download might be a violation of antitrust? How does this make any sense at all? Translation of the article: "Microsoft providing a product that is more attractive to consumers than its competitors' products might drive those competitors

Too good not to post

2008-11-18T17:13:00.001-08:00

It happened again

2008-11-17T15:21:00.000-08:00

Do I send off some kind of "please, come pee next to me" vibes? Is there some new, unwritten rule among women that demands we take only stalls adjacent to currently peeing women? Today, I was once again in the office bathroom alone. I had a stall in the middle, leaving 5 nonadjacent stalls open. Naturally, the next person who walks in takes the stall directly to my right. AND THEN. Another

Out of context

2008-11-12T19:25:00.001-08:00

(7:19:58 PM) ilyeria: you'd so want to have sex right now if you saw it(7:20:51 PM) tallbladeofgrass: how big is it?

Why do people do this?

2008-11-10T13:17:00.000-08:00

The women's restroom at my office has 8 stalls. Can someone please explain to me why, when I am the only person occupying a stall, the next person who comes in must take the stall right next to mine. There are SIX other stalls you could use. Why is it necessary to pee within 3 feet of me? Do you need an audience?This has happened to me at least 3 times in the last month.

A-fraking-men

2008-10-18T09:33:00.000-07:00

John Quincy Adams on U.S. Foreign Policy (1821)October 2001And now, friends and countrymen, if the wise and learned philosophers of the elder world, the first observers of nutation and aberration, the discoverers of maddening ether and invisible planets, the inventors of Congreve rockets and Shrapnel shells, should find their hearts disposed to enquire what has America done for the benefit of

Stereotypes exist for a reason

2008-10-17T14:41:00.001-07:00

Today I was stuck on the freeway behind an old man going 45 miles an hour with his turn signal on for the entire time. I'm just saying.

Amusing things in the news

2008-10-14T15:55:00.000-07:00

An NHS trust has spent more than £12,000 on private treatment for hospital staff because its own waiting times are too long. Is this somehow a surprise to anyone? I love this line from the article: "They need to appoint more physiotherapists and bring the waiting lists down.""Appoint" more doctors. How very telling, and unintentionally so."Sovereign" couple uses the courts to file liensI think

Amen

2008-10-14T10:17:00.001-07:00

http://www.justfuckinggoogleit.com/

Look, it's a poster about my blog

2008-10-12T14:22:00.001-07:00

snort

2008-10-12T12:25:00.000-07:00

It's not that hard

2008-10-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

Wrong: Your an idiot.Right: You're an idiot.Wrong: You're shoes are on the wrong feet.Right: Your shoes are on the wrong feet.Wrong: Who's book is this?Right: Whose book is this?Wrong: Whose going to the party tonight?Right: Who's going to the party tonight?Wrong: Their still at school because they left there books they're.Right: They're still at school because they left their books there.Wrong:

Heroes Episode 3 or Rush Hour 4? You decide.

2008-09-30T09:30:00.000-07:00

Cultures clash and tempers flares as the two cops enemies named Detective Inspector Lee Noah Bennet, a Hong Kong Detective disillusioned Company man, and Detective James Carter FBI Sylar, a big-mouthed work-alone Los Angeles cop powerthirsty murderer who are from different worlds discover one thing in common: they can't stand each other. With time running out, they must join forces to catch the

Ric Romero apparently writes for foxnews.com

2008-09-29T09:33:00.000-07:00

Facebook Profiles Benefit Narcissists, Study FindsNo kidding! That just blows me away! Some surprising facts from the article:"The researchers found that the number of friends and wall posts (messages left by the owner of the profile or friends) that a person had on their profile correlated with how narcissistic they were.Study leader Laura Buffardi, a Ph.D. student in psychology, said this is

This Love

2008-09-25T16:20:00.000-07:00

「愛があれば平和だ」と誰かが口にしていた頷く人もいれば、疑う人もいる苦しみがあるからこそ　あなたを抱きしめる時その腕の優しさを平和と感じるのでしょうある時から無口になり心を締め切りこの恋が引き裂かれそうになった ※重ねたこの手を今度は離さない信じる力が愛を自由にする※ 友情に救われたり、未来を想像したり幸せは見えるけれど　自分を見る事はない約束と言う私達のコンパスだけではこの恋は方角を見失うの △奇跡を待つよりこの手をつなぎたい信じる力が私を自由にする△ この恋を恐れずに You don’t have to fear this love,this love

Heroes Season 3: A Rambling Recap

2008-09-23T14:31:00.000-07:00

The two themes of the premiere were: 1) Remember all that stuff that happened in the other seasons? Forget all of it because you know nothing about anything. 2) All characters are now going to act really weird.What? We spent a whole season trying to keep Claire from dying? Surprise! She can't die. And Mohinder? We're just going to forget about him trying to help people and suddenly make him a

Job Opening: Man

2008-09-21T22:08:00.000-07:00

Now that I am back "on the market" I decided to compile a little wish list of things I want in a man. The three people who actually read my blog might find this a little narcissistic, but I don't really care. Onward!MUST-HAVES1. Atheist. I don't date people who believe in invisible sky fairies. End of discussion.2. Monogamous/faithful. I want a guy who only wants me, and who can get everything he

The Woz

2008-08-21T11:34:00.000-07:00

When I was 10 or so, Steve Wozniak used to come to my grammar school and talk at assemblies. I think this happened two or three times. He was friends with our principal or something; I'm not sure. Anyway, he drove an enormous yellow Hummer and wore ridiculous Hawaiian shirts and we all thought he was a huge geek.These days, he apparently drives a Prius and rides around on a Segway. I guess

I am worth 10 goats

2008-08-13T21:25:00.001-07:00

http://www.howmanygoats.com/

Well, he WAS a carpenter

2008-08-12T23:15:00.000-07:00

bcwoods: Ever wonder how big Jesus' package is?bcwoods: I'm going to say 8 inchesbcwoods: because seven isn't that extraordinarybcwoods: and 9 would be painfulbcwoods: so 8 inches would be the perfect sizebcwoods: which the perfect son of God would have

I support this plan

2008-07-29T23:24:00.000-07:00

bc woods: I'd just give everyone my melon testbc woods: and sterilize those that failedbc woods: like dudes with male pattern baldness with pony tails?bc woods: snip snip snp

It sure does

2008-07-28T21:12:00.000-07:00

BC Woods: time flies when you're talking about magician inspired dildo designs

iPhone widowry

2008-07-25T19:57:00.000-07:00

malikfalasteeni: arthur's coming tomorrow to assist us by talking incessantly about his iPhone and generally take up space.ilyeria: yeah, he's a hard workermalikfalasteeni: we should trade him for youilyeria: that's like offering a 3rd round draft pick for an all star

Someone who understands me on a fundamental level

2008-07-24T22:08:00.001-07:00

See this post for details.

Why I like stories about other people's dysfunctional families

2008-07-24T21:15:00.000-07:00

I recently discovered this blog, which then led me to this other blog. It took me approximately 2 days to read every post on each one. One thing they both have in common is that they relate sometimes-horrible stories about the author's dysfunctional/retarded childhood and family. For some reason, I love these types of stories. Of course, both of these blogs are extremely well-written and the

The best description of democrats ever

2008-07-23T23:23:00.001-07:00

http://www.dunceuponatime.com/weaver-schwarzenegger-%e2%80%9808Sheer, unadulterated brilliance.

afkdlshgjio

2008-06-03T16:24:00.000-07:00

I am seriously going to punch in the face the next person who creates, joins, or publicizes one of those freaking "how to lower gas prices" facebook groups. I can barely write a coherent sentence right now because I am so furious. This is the latest feat of retardation:http://ucla.facebook.com/group.php?gid=9904021903&ref=nfHow to get GAS back down to $1.30 per gallon:"I suggest that we not buy

I'm bored

2008-05-28T18:23:00.000-07:00

Per the procedure on this forum, my band name will be History of the English Penny, my debut album will be The Way it Started, and the cover art will be this image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/twistedsun/2517715711/

It's not news, it's foxnews.com

2008-05-23T09:43:00.000-07:00

Foxnews.com headline today : WHO: Wealthier Lifestyles Fueling Global Health CrisisArticle:Increased wealth appears to be making people sicker, rather than healthier, according to the World Health Organization.By 2030, the only contagious disease in the list of Top 10 global killers will be HIV/AIDS, the Daily Mail reported citing figures from the World Health Organization.According to the WHO, a

An open letter to Bank of America

2008-05-20T21:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Bank of America,I feel no regret at informing you that I will not be choosing you as my mortgage lender, despite your apparent willingness to undercut the competition as many times as it takes. My reasons are as follows:1) Your bank center loan staff repeatedly fails to follow through on commitments. The first person I spoke to at a banking center promised to email me certain documents on

Who should pay?

2008-04-10T09:58:00.000-07:00

This blurb appeared on Slashdot today, musing over the need for a completely new internet infrastructure and asking who should pay for it (profit-making content owners vs. consumers). Predictably, most of the comments are idiotic, but aside from that, the question itself is wrong. It gets the whole idea of invention and business completely backwards. Here is an analogous question: "27 mpg is

maybe that's why there are so many churches in Hawaii

2008-04-01T16:51:00.000-07:00

Hehe, I just read an article that described Christians trying to talk at you about Jesus as "human spam." I giggled.

Philosophy, Degrees, and Objectivist Clones

2008-02-05T13:42:00.000-08:00

Too often I have observed a person's formal education being used as a criterion for judging his philosophical claims. Claims made by people who lack a degree in philosophy are rejected in favor of those made by people who have one. In particular, ideas are frequently only taken seriously if they are put forth by someone with a PhD in philosophy. This is complete and utter nonsense. The main way

filling the void

2008-01-16T20:51:00.000-08:00

(8:43:35 PM) tallbladeofgrass: hmm, that bagel was insufficient to satisfy my needs(8:44:29 PM) MightyBobX: that's amazing, considering its size relative to your capacity(8:44:58 PM) tallbladeofgrass: looks can be deceiving(8:45:50 PM) tallbladeofgrass: i can accommodate more volume than you might expect

adventures with vodka

2007-11-02T19:00:00.000-07:00

(6:37:57 PM) tallbladeofgrass: i'm hardly even drunk!(6:38:06 PM) tallbladeofgrass: i'm typing correctly and everythin g(6:38:09 PM) tallbladeofgrass: god dammit...later...(6:47:29 PM) tallbladeofgrass: at my current contribution rate assuming that my salary grows at 4% per year, my account will be worth 470k when i retire(6:47:46 PM) tallbladeofgrass: and i assume to continue getting like 8

An open letter to everyone I know

2007-10-29T17:16:00.001-07:00

Over the past few months, a number of you have taken to giving me shit about my personal life. It ends now.To begin with, nothing in my personal life is any of your business unless it involves you directly or I make it your business in some way. Unless I ask for your advice, assume I do not want it. Please regard me as though I have a brain and know how to use it--I have and I do.This

Mission accomplished

2007-10-27T11:57:00.001-07:00

ilyeria: so any plans this weekend?ilyeria: other than slutting yourself out at partiestallbladeofgrass: no, that was about ittallbladeofgrass: mission accomplished

Men want women with ten fingers, study confirms.

2007-09-04T23:07:00.001-07:00

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Science is confirming what most women know: When given the choice for a mate, men go for women with ten fingers. In the dating game, men know what they want. And guys won't be surprised to learn that women are much choosier about partners than they are. "Just because people say they're looking for a particular set of characteristics in a mate, someone like themselves,

for great justice

2007-07-06T18:23:00.001-07:00

(6:22:15 PM) ilyeria: I'm gonna turn your cats into attack cats while you're away(6:22:32 PM) ilyeria: they'll be my soldiers of justice

I can't make this stuff up.

2007-06-13T19:50:00.001-07:00

me: It's a two-man sailboat.Arthur: Like my penis!

ewww

2007-05-22T19:43:00.001-07:00

Heh, I found this quote on someone's facebook profile:"I was outside myself, and you within...deeper in me than I am in me" -St. AugustineWho knew religion was so kinky?

2007-05-20T22:41:00.000-07:00

(10:42:12 PM) MalikFalasteeni: see, i was searching for porn - for a respectable college research paper, of course - and it wouldn't show any good ones. stupid safesearch.(10:42:35 PM) MalikFalasteeni: i'll probably flunk whatever class this research paper is probably for.

I continue to love Nader

2007-05-18T16:18:00.001-07:00

(04:15:06 PM) MalikFalasteeni: that's how much your cereal just rocked my face off

Girlfriends

2007-05-10T19:41:00.000-07:00

I have no idea how to make friends with girls. I've always had more guy friends than girl friends, and I've always been closer with the guys than the girls. I don't know what it is. I don't know how to interact with girls, or how to develop close relationships with them. I had a female best friend in high school which happened, I think, purely by accident. We both had enormous crushes on the

i bet you have

2007-05-10T17:15:00.001-07:00

(17:11:26) MalikFalasteeni: i'll just get a catnap on the bus(17:11:42) MalikFalasteeni: and then luxuriate at the dead sea spa(17:12:05) MalikFalasteeni: while virgin maidens rub my muscles and pour oil on my skin(17:12:13) MalikFalasteeni: i've imagined the day many times

bicurious?

2007-05-08T22:51:00.001-07:00

(22:49:57) tallbladeofgrass: but the point is, if i had to choose between a hot guy who is a communist and an objectivist girl, i'd obviously choose the girl(22:50:11) tallbladeofgrass: no contest(22:50:12) MalikFalasteeni: oh man, this conversation is turning awesome

The standard deviation of the average

2007-05-06T12:15:00.000-07:00

I get really angry when people misuse statistics. I get even more angry when people who don't understand statistics accuse other people of misusing them. Take this letter to the editor from the Daily Bruin. It contains this gem of wisdom:"Without knowing the standard deviation of any of the presented averages, it's impossible to say with any confidence the averages are different." The "

I think I should start a Nader fan club.

2007-05-06T12:13:00.000-07:00

(12:12:41) MalikFalasteeni: girls can't help but stare at me, because i dress so manly that they can't keep their panties dry. they're just not used to it. it's a little dangerous, but i know how to control it.

Riiiiiiight

2007-04-20T15:47:00.000-07:00

http://www.heraldextra.com/content/view/218318/4/"He entered a search term that he couldn't recall Wednesday, although he said it 'wasn't a real expressive sexual kind of word.' And then, he said, he got caught up in a pornado -- sexually explicit pop-up windows took over his computer."Uh huh. Suuuuuure that's what happened.

I love Nader

2007-04-19T16:38:00.001-07:00

(16:36:41) tallbladeofgrass: see, how come i didn't see anything like this in japan? http://www.wayodd.com/japanese-invent-sexier-jeans/v/7024/(16:37:02) MalikFalasteeni: HOLY SHIT(16:37:21) MalikFalasteeni: those aren't jeans. those are long-sleeved panties.

In defense of the Libertarian Party

2007-03-19T22:28:00.000-07:00

I don't recall exactly when or how I discovered the Libertarian Party. I only know that whenever it was, I was absolutely thrilled to discover a political party whose platform agreed perfectly with the political conclusions of my guiding philosophy, Objectivism. Imagine my surprise when other Objectivists began to tell me that Libertarians are actually the lowest of the low, deviant hijackers

if only it were so

2007-03-16T18:42:00.000-07:00

(18:24:36) MalikFalasteeni: i always imagine girl hair cuts taking hours in luxurious turkish baths.

2007-02-09T17:50:00.000-08:00

(17:46:50) tallbladeofgrass: why can't america make cute robots to do things like this?(17:46:53) tallbladeofgrass: LA could use a trash robot(17:47:03) tallbladeofgrass: or a robot to scoop up bums and deposit them outside of westwood(17:47:10) Indi Mint: it could shit compressed hobos(17:47:23) tallbladeofgrass: so they can be used later for alternate sources of cooling and refrigeration

How to woo a woman: Part V

2007-02-03T12:04:00.000-08:00

5. Some things to keep in mindDo not get discouraged if these tactics do not work on the first try. Every woman is different, and you will need to learn how to accommodate those differences into your wooing tactics. What I outlined here was a general guide.You may prefer to be more direct than this guide allows for. Sometimes directness works, and sometimes it doesn't. This guide contains

How to woo a woman: Part IV

2007-02-03T11:42:00.000-08:00

4. The competitionBy this point you can be pretty sure that she has a crush on you, but you are not the only one that has caught her fancy, nor the only one interested in her. After all, she must be a pretty great gal if you are going to all this effort to woo her. Now is the time to make her have eyes only for you.You should continue doing all the things you did in step 3, but now you must do

Joneseses's

2007-02-01T15:33:00.000-08:00

As probably anyone who reads my blog knows, I am something of a stickler when it comes to grammar. I try to be careful about my own grammar, lest I find myself in the embarassing situation of being corrected by someone who frequently writes "your" instead of "you're." That said, the bane of my existence in this respect is last names that end in 's'. What do you do with them? They aren't

How to woo a woman: Part III

2007-01-30T13:12:00.000-08:00

3. The CrushSo you've found a woman you'd like to woo, and you're a pretty desirable guy if you do say so yourself. What now?The first thing you have to do is get her interested in you romantically. Steps 1 and 2 made sure that it's at least possible for her to develop this interest. Now it's time to make that happen. A critical part of this step is that you are not yet trying to "win her

How to woo a woman: Part II

2007-01-30T09:59:00.000-08:00

2. You want to woo her...now what?In order to woo a woman, you want to make yourself desirable to her. Some of these are good rules to follow even when you're not looking to woo women, but will particularly come in handy in this situation. Parts of this step are interchangeable with step 1, but I put it here because step 1 creates extra motivation to fulfill step 2.First, make yourself

How to woo a woman: Part I

2007-01-30T09:33:00.000-08:00

I had a friend in high school who was basically hopeless when it came to women. I spoke to him recently and offered to help him have more success with women. Nothing ever came of that, but I think that the things I was going to tell him would make a good guide for anyone who has had such troubles. So, I present it here for your reading pleasure. I anticipate that it will be quite long, so I

Threats

2007-01-29T16:04:00.000-08:00

So I had an extremely stupid non-argument today about the difference (or lack thereof) between a threat and a statement of cause and effect. It started something like this:A: If you do x, I won't do y.B: That's not fair.A: It's not a threat, it's just cause and effect.B: That's the definition of a threat!(A's second statement here was actually a joke, because the first statement was obviously a

75% of people die from waking up

2007-01-22T22:58:00.000-08:00

An article in the Daily Bruin contained this nugget of joy: "One statistic read that 18,000 people between the ages of 25 to 64 die annually from a lack of health insurance, making it the seventh leading cause of death."I actually laughed out loud for a good 20 seconds. Cause of death: no health insurance. That should be on an episode of CSI.

Analogies

2007-01-07T21:07:00.000-08:00

I am not quite sure why, but this list really annoys me. I've run across it many many times over the last 6ish years, and I've never liked it. Part of the reason is probably that a lot of them are made up, and I really hate it when people invent stories about people doing stupid things. Real people do enough actual stupid things; you don't have to invent more of them. The main reason, though,

Christmas should be more Commercial

2006-12-24T16:04:00.000-08:00

"Christmas in America is an exuberant display of human ingenuity, capitalist productivity, and the enjoyment of life. Yet all of these are castigated as "materialistic"; the real meaning of the holiday, we are told, is assorted Nativity tales and altruist injunctions (e.g., love thy neighbor) that no one takes seriously."-Leonard Peikoff

still more proof that people are idiots

2006-12-11T18:43:00.000-08:00

So, I got this hilarious anonymous comment on my third-to-last post, which unintentionally supports my point, once again, that people can't do logic. The poster states that the statement "Colds cause ear infections" implies that a cold is the only thing that causes ear infections. I HOPE all of you can see that this is not the case. If we replace "Driving" with "Getting your head chopped off"

those crazy muslims, again

2006-12-11T13:09:00.000-08:00

"The new law also drops the death penalty for sex outside of marriage."Wait, what?

1 = 100

2006-12-10T23:56:00.000-08:00

Verizon customer service employees, including managers, do not know the difference between .002 dollars and .002 cents. According to one, the difference is "a matter of opinion."http://uneasysilence.com/archive/2006/12/8721/

more proof that everyone is an idiot and can't do logic

2006-12-08T14:48:00.000-08:00

First, we have this article:http://edition.cnn.com/2006/HEALTH/parenting/12/07/par.sick.myths/index.htmlIt is listing common myths about kids' health, and the reality of the situation. Most of them are fine, but then you get to the last one:Colds cause ear infectionsThe truth: It does seem that way, but all colds are caused by viruses, while 90 percent of ear infections are caused by bacteria.

tech support

2006-12-04T18:56:00.000-08:00

The computers at my office always give errors when a web page contains javascript code. One of my projects at work contains a js search engine which is fully functional on my home computer. At work, the errors cause it to not work. Below is my conversation with the guy who came over from the help desk to look at it.me: There is a problem with the network computers that causes errors in

Human Instincts

2006-12-04T18:04:00.000-08:00

Some people believe that humans have no instincts. I find this rather curious, particularly coming from people who also believe in evolution rather than creationism as the origin of human life.If humans have no instincts, it means one of three things must be true:1. The species in the human chain of evolution prior to the development of a rational faculty had no instincts.2. Once the rational

Obviously.

2006-11-21T23:07:00.000-08:00

(22:59:46) Ilyeria: cheese on the other hand, is obviously not feminine

the 9th amendment

2006-10-29T20:49:00.000-08:00

I'd like to take a moment to remind all you Constitution fetishists of the 9th amendment. This is for everyone who thinks that the Constitution is the source of rights, and that people have no rights except those described in the constitution. It reads as follows:"The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people."

my faith in humanity has taken a serious blow

2006-10-13T18:49:00.000-07:00

I'm watching "Who Wants to be a Millionaire" and the question was "which of these grammatical errors can be fixed with the use of a semicolon?" I forget what the wrong answers were, but the VERY VERY OBVIOUS correct answer was "run-on sentence." This was a $2000 question. She had to use a lifeline. I almost cried.

what. the. hell.

2006-10-11T16:25:00.000-07:00

This just in: square-shaped buildings are an insult to Islam.

no whining

2006-10-07T12:30:00.000-07:00

You know what I'm sick of? People whining about their problems. I don't mean people with legitimate problems that they are trying to work out or find solutions for. I mean people who are moaning and groaing and feeling sorry for themselves for stupid things. You know what? Bad things happen. Get over it. You think you're the only who has been hurt? Nobody understands your pain? Give me a

herpes

2006-10-03T18:27:00.000-07:00

hehe, i love those commercials for herpes medication. "one study found that 70% of people with herpes got it from their partner when they had no signs or symptoms." what i want to know is wtf is wrong with the 30% whose partners OBVIOUSLY had herpes.

Throwing in the towel

2006-09-25T17:01:00.000-07:00

Well he looks at me with those Innocent eyes,And says it looks like you're wearing some kind of disguise,Because your hair sticks up, your shoes are untied,I hope that you got that shirt on half price,And every word I say falls flat on the floor,I try to tell a joke, he's heard it before,And I don't think that I can take it no more,He's driving me right out of my front door,And I try so hard just

more quote goodness

2006-09-16T16:01:00.000-07:00

guy on furniture-building show: and finally, hard-working poplar for ultimate paintability!gary: i'm just too fast for you, sara. in and out, that's my game.

i <3 Kenneth

2006-09-08T00:08:00.000-07:00

Kenneth: "my teeth are whiter than your mom"

An open letter to clothing retailers

2006-09-07T13:06:00.000-07:00

Dear sellers of clothing,Please stop displaying your clothes on mannequins that are too small for them, pinning 4 inches of excess cloth behind their backs to make it look like the clothes fit. If your smallest size is too small for the mannequin, get bigger mannequins or make smaller clothes. Stop tricking me into thinking you carry my size.Thank you in advance for your cooperation,Sara

reality is stranger than fiction

2006-08-21T16:43:00.000-07:00

actual church signI'm not making these upseriouslyp.s. if the links don't work just copy and paste them directly into the browser and you can see the pictures.

a long hiatus broken...

2006-08-19T10:45:00.000-07:00

(10:40:07) Kishikaisei13: hey, straight guys are allowed to appreciate the chiseled features of other guys

i love emina

2006-08-16T21:42:00.000-07:00

(21:36:04) alluringLeggs: how do they kill animals humanely, by giving them pain killers??(21:36:25) tallbladeofgrass: slitting their throats with a special knife and draining all their blood(21:36:35) alluringLeggs: thats what we did in romania(21:36:40) alluringLeggs: but we didnt call it kosher(21:36:46) alluringLeggs: we called it, go kill a chicken and cook it

2006-08-14T23:02:00.000-07:00

bahahahahahahttp://prikola.net/content/pic/selection/73/25.jpg

unconformity

2006-08-14T21:35:00.000-07:00

The following is a conversation I had with someone about decorating my apartment:him: have you decided on a decorating theme?me: asianhim: *rolls eyes*me: huh?him: how creative of youme: what?him: nothing...Now, I can't be certain of the nature of his thoughts during this conversation since he wouldn't tell me, but I can make some educated guesses. If this is not what he was thinking, then use

what's in a name?

2006-08-11T13:47:00.000-07:00

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/08/09/egyptian.students/index.htmlThe three captured students:• Mohamed Ragab Mohamed Abd Alla• Ebrahim Mabrouk Moustafa Abdou• Eslam Ibrahim Mohamed El-DessoukiThe remaining eight students were identified as:• El Sayed Ahmed Elsayed Ibrahim, 20• Alaa Abd El Fattah Ali El Bahnasawi, 20 • Ahmed Refaat Saad El Moghazi El Laket, 19 • Ahmed Mohamed Mohamed Abou El Ela, 21 •

2006-08-07T19:57:00.000-07:00

Where do I begin?Among the more stupid articles I've read in my life. First of all, the presence of doctors at lethan injections should have absolutely nothing to do with whether the process is "humane." The same chemicals get injected in the same exact ways no matter who happens to be watching. They could have a doctor program a robot to do the job and it would be the same. Secondly, what